Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
