Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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