The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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