mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
