U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
