We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
