So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
