Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
