Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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