I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize