u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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