i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
