went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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