i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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