I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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