Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
