The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
