i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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