What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
