she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
