I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
soo... how was my night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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