What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
