im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
