this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
