I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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