You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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