Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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