he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
