you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
