you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
