My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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