Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
