i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
