i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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