took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize