What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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