Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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