i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
