So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
