we made out on top of his cat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
