Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
