I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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