and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
