Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
