Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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