like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
