Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
