Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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