Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
