im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
