oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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