walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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