Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
