1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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