I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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