Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
