This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
