***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
