I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize