we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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