my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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