You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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