dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize