Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
