Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
MIDGETS
????
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize