Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I enjoy the company of your penis
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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